For the Love of Nargles Part II
by The Golden Duo 22
Summary: RemusHermioneSirius - Hermione, Sirius and Remus thought they had solved the mystery of the scratching noise, little did they know that it was just the start. Part 2 of 5.


**Author's Note: **As promised, we give you part two. If you haven't read part one, you better do that - NOW!

**Summary: **Hermione, Sirius and Remus thought they had solved the mystery of the scratching noise, little did they know that it was just the start.

* * *

**For the Love of Nargles - Part II**

* * *

Hermione shifted restlessly in her sleep, her face screwing up as she tried to turn her torso into the pillow, her fists gripping the sheets beneath her until her knuckles turned white. Sirius chuckled; she had never been a very elegant sleeper, and it was any wonder she was still asleep now. Remus glanced up at Hermione's low sleepy moan and Sirius's much deeper chuckle before continuing on with his ministrations.

Hermione moaned again, this time trying to shift her thighs restlessly, but finding them stuck down somehow. Through her sleepy haze she frowned once again as her body was overcome with shuddering pleasure. It was another few moments before she became aware of her surroundings, feeling Sirius's familiar warmth seeping into her side where he curled over her, his fingers idly tweaking one nipple.

It took her another few moments for her brain to register that if Sirius was resting beside her, then he couldn't possibly be the one between her thighs causing an impossibly sweet ache to fill her lethargic limbs. She instinctively tightened her thighs once more in surprise before the night's events came flooding back to her. Remus's applied pressure on the inside of her thighs as his tongue took a broad sweep of her folds, ending at her clit and drawing a tortured moan from her lips as her eyes flew open.

"Morning love," Sirius whispered in her ear. His fingers left her breast and travelled up to grip her hair, tugging her head around to pull her into a mindless, searing kiss. She felt dizzy, breathless and disoriented at the dual sensations of their talented tongues.

She responded to his greeting by arching her back and thrusting her hips in time, feeling Sirius's hard length against her hip just as Remus's fingers entered her slick passage with ease. If she had had any doubts the night before about continuing their relationship, they were now quashed by his hands and mouth on her body, giving so much and expecting so little in return.

Hermione considered herself a very lucky woman indeed, to have the attentions of not one, but two of the world's most sexy and eligible bachelors. She would never have guessed that a late night visit from what they had reluctantly suspected to be Nargles – but had turned out to be a trapped Crookshanks – would end up like this. Now as she lay in the arms of her two lovers, she couldn't have hoped for a better outcome of what she had thought was a fruitless and ridiculous quest to stop the scratching noise that was keeping them all awake.

She could have happily lain there musing over the pleasant turn of events. Remus and Sirius, however, had other ideas as they brought her body to a mind-shattering climax. Sirius bit lightly down on her nipples, laving the ache with his tongue as Remus gently lowered her hips to the mattress, crawling up her body to kiss her lips as she tasted herself on him.

"Good Morning," he whispered against her mouth, a grin spreading between them as she came down from her high with a sigh.

"Did you sleep well?" Sirius chuckled in her ear, enjoying her flushed and virtually incoherent form, a rare thing for her to be.

She sighed again, wriggling her hips between them as she kissed her way along Remus's jaw, her grip on the sheets slackening as she bought her hands up to reach between them. She found Sirius's raging hard-on straight away, fingering the weeping head and drawing a groan from his lips. She trailed her hand down Remus's chest at the same time and gained a similar response.

"I'll take that as a yes then," Sirius growled as Remus panted above her.

"Mmm hm," she hummed against the werewolf's throbbing pulse point, beginning her slow tugging torture with practiced hands.

"Fuck," Remus hissed, still new to the skills he had been previously-unaware were in her possession.

"Mmm, yes please," she grinned, moving away to kiss him slowly before turning to give Sirius the same attention.

The animagus swooped on her lips hungrily, bucking his hips into her hand as he tried to make her go faster. She gave him a hard squeeze in warning, but he didn't seem deterred. She was considering flipping him over onto his back to have her wicked way with him when a noise stopped her cold.

_Scratch. Scratch. Scratch._

"Just ignore it love, it's only Crookshanks," Remus panted down at her, his eyes half-lidded with pleasure. Hermione grinned at him and began her torturously slow movements again, pumping their hard cocks in a rhythm tantalizing enough to bring pleasure, but not quite enough to get them off.

"Fucking jealous cat," Sirius growled, as he was pushed to his back, letting Hermione mount his hips. Remus rolled to his side, staring up at her just as Sirius was. She reached back down to grip his cock and started to caress his length again.

_Scratch. Scratch. Scratch._

Sirius groaned and dropped his head back, feeling her slick folds as she scooted forward to hover over him. Remus's eyes went hot as he watched her wonton display.

"Go away Crookshanks!" Hermione called at the door, moments before she sunk down onto the ex-convicts length.

The trio moaned in unison, as she leaned down to rest her torso against Sirius's, turning her head to kiss Remus, who rolled to his side, his body curved around theirs. She felt tight and a little achy from the night before, but being on top meant she could control every move, and she intended to take her sweet time.

_Scratch. Scratch. Scratch._

Hermione worked her body carefully, trying to ignore the scratching as Sirius splayed his hands on her hips, cupping them as he guided her movements. She gripped his hair as she moved, her other hand still stroking Remus's hard member with dexterity, her face turned to gaze into his amber eyes. It was erotic, watching him watch her while she made love to another man, but the logistics of their situation were the last thing on her mind as her brain, still groggy from her pleasant - albeit slightly surprising - awakening, started to register the sensations Sirius was causing in her lower body.

"Oh God," she moaned, her grip on Remus tightening slightly, causing the werewolf to whimper in pleasure and buck into her hand. Feeling the difference in his lover's body, Sirius started to slowly thrust his hips upwards. For this, however, he received a smart slap on the shoulder and she sat back up, her back straight as she sat motionless atop him.

"Why'd you stop?" Sirius asked breathlessly, gazing up at her panting, sweat-covered form. Remus, realizing her hand was still, looked up at her expectantly as well.

"I want to watch you both," she whispered before tightening her grasp on Remus at the same time that she twisted her hips.

Both men bucked and arched beneath her and she couldn't help the heat that pooled at her centre at the site of these two gorgeous men starting to lose control.

The next few moments were a blur as Sirius flipped her over onto her back and Remus claimed her mouth with his, both men thrusting their hips in what seemed like perfect synchronicity, one into her tight body, the other into her tight grasp. Their orgasms came swiftly, first him then her then him, until they were all a melting pile of limbs on a bed that had seen entirely more action in the past few hours than it had for a period Remus did not care to admit.

_Scratch. Scratch. Scratch._

"Let the bloody cat in," Remus mumbled into Hermione's shoulder as the three of them settled back into what had started to be a much-needed deep sleep.

"No," Sirius groaned, his head on Hermione stomach and his arm wrapped around her hips.

_Scratch. Scra__tch. Scratch._

"He won't go away if you...oh!"

Both men grumbled as Hermione sat up swiftly, pushing Remus's head back onto the bed and putting Sirius in a very uncomfortable position on her lap. Both men looked up at her, pouting at their disturbed sleep, before realizing what she had been so surprised by. Arching their eyebrows, the three of them exchanged looks before turning back.

Crookshanks was watching them from the foot of the bed.

"How on earth did he get in?" Sirius asked, looking accusingly at Hermione.

"Not me! I was in bed with the two of you the whole time!" she replied.

"It's true, Pads. Trust me, I think we would have known if she wasn't here," Remus said.

"How did he get in, though?" Sirius repeated.

"I don't think he ever really left," Remus reasoned. "You may have put him outside the door, but I think he might have slipped back in before you closed it properly."

"But...if Crookshanks is here..." Hermione started.

_Scratch. Scratch. Scratch._

"That's it. It must be the Nargles," Sirius said, diving under the sheets to locate his boxers before sliding out of bed and walking over to the cupboard.

"Sirius Orion Black, for the fifteenth time, there's..."

"...no such thing as Nargles," both Sirius and Remus mimicked, earning them both a glare from the curly-haired witch.

"Stand back," Sirius said dramatically, opening the cupboard wide once more.

Remus rolled his eyes.

"Honestly, Sirius, you don't expect to find Nargles in my cupboard, do you?" he asked.

"It's where we found Crookshanks, isn't it?"

"I think we can categorically state that Crookshanks is _not_ a Nargle, thank you very much," Hermione huffed, wrapping her arms around the indignant feline and stroking its fur. Remus scratched the part-kneazle softly on the head and he purred, nuzzling closer into his hand.

When Sirius came over, however, Crookshanks hissed.

"Bloody cat," Sirius said, finding himself slightly jealous that his lover's cat was more receptive to Remus than to him.

Remus chuckled.

"He knows an enemy when he sees one. And not only are you the one person who has stolen his mistress's time away from him, but you're also a dog, which by nature is the enemy of the cat."

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Really, professor? Cats hate dogs? You don't say. I suppose next you'll be telling me that water is wet and that fire is hot."

"No need to be snide," Hermione said, smirking slightly at the idea of a blood feud between her lover and her familiar. "Remus was just trying to help."

"That's it, take his side," Sirius snapped.

Hermione and Remus exchanged looks.

"Sirius, honestly," Hermione said softly. "We were just joking."

Sirius sighed, running his hand through his hair.

"I know. And I'm sorry I snapped. It's just...I'm tired, and that damn scratching..."

_Scratch. Scratch. Scratch._

"...is keeping me up," he finished feebly, throwing himself down on the bed next to Hermione and Remus.

"I suppose we should go find out what it is," Remus said, stretching but making no move to get out of bed.

"I wouldn't know where to start," Hermione admitted, putting Crookshanks on the floor as she buried herself under the covers, gazing at the ceiling.

"Maybe we should call someone professional," Sirius said. "Maybe Luna Lovegood."

Both Remus and Hermione shot him a look.

"Sirius, there are no such things as Nargles and I would rather you didn't invite Luna here to amuse yourself by trying to convince her that we have a Nargle infestation," Hermione said sternly.

"Who's to say we don't have a Nargle infestation?" Sirius asked innocently. "Just because you don't believe they exist doesn't mean they don't."

Hermione pinked.

"All scientific and logical research has..."

"Hermione, he's just goading you on," Remus said softly, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "He's not going to talk to Luna."

"Oh?" Sirius asked with a smirk, jumping out of bed again. "I think I'll go owl her now."

"Sirius, don't you dare," Hermione replied, trying to jump out of bed as well but finding Remus's arm effectively locking her in.

"Sirius Black! Get your arse back in this bed now, or..." Hermione screeched, but the older man could already be heard thumping down the stairs.

"Maybe Luna will be able to help," Remus suggested gently, drawing her back into the tangled sheets, stroking her hair when she curled around him.

"You don't honestly believe that, do you?" she fumed, shooting him a look.

Remus decided to do the smart thing and not say another word.

***

The trio were down in the kitchen much later, Remus reading the paper and Sirius being more of a hindrance than a help as Hermione tried to make them bacon, eggs, sausages, and French toast. The remains of the chocolate cake Remus had destroyed the night before had been pushed to the side.

"I like mine extra crispy remember," Sirius instructed, hovering over her shoulder, watching as she flipped the toast with a practiced flick of her wand.

"How could I forget, I have only been cooking for you for the last few months," she replied sweetly, nudging him with her hip to try and push him away. Sirius grabbed hold of her hips instead, moulding himself to her and grinding his not-so-subtle erection into her backside. He kissed her neck and groaned softly.

"Will you give it a rest? I don't know how you could possibly still be horny after the amount of times we have had sex in the last twelve hours," she grinned, finally pushing him off as she went to the kettle that had just finished boiling.

"Easy, you're so fucking beautiful," he replied, following on her heels, still close enough that she could feel his body heat.

"Remus," she prompted, when Sirius tried to grab hold of her again.

Remus folded his paper with a sigh and placed it on the table, giving his best friend a long-suffering look.

"Pads, leave her alone and let her cook breakfast. I'm starving and you can harass her later when she isn't busy."

Sirius pouted comically, used to getting what he wanted, but he left her anyway, joining Remus at the table and picking up his discarded paper.

"Thank you, Remus," Hermione said with a smile, pouring the hot water into the coffee pot and setting the mugs on the table before returning to the toast and bacon.

"Cannon's Seeker is retiring," Sirius commented idly, having skipped the day's pressing news in favour of the Sports section.

"What's the point? The way he plays its like he retired years ago, he should have been replaced long before now," Remus replied, taking a sip of his coffee.

Sirius opened his mouth to give a disparaging reply when the crackling fire in the corner of the kitchen suddenly changed to green. Hermione dumped the last of the food on the plate just as Luna stepped out – a tin foil hat moulded like one would a paper pirate hat was perched precariously to one side of her messy blonde hair. She wore black buckled ankle boots, red and white striped tights and a lime-green dress that looked several sizes too large.

"Luna! What a surprise," Hermione said with fake enthusiasm, shooting Sirius a glare before turning back to the odd woman.

"Where are the Nargles?" she asked by way of greeting as the fire place whooshed again. Colin Creevey stumbled from the fireplace moments later, his camera dangling around his neck, his face flushed from travel.

"Colin," Remus greeted, watching on with amusement as Luna pulled out a spy glass, pressing it to her eye and magnifying the already-protuberant blue to comical proportions. She then proceeded to stare in fascination at the ground, walking in random directions with little care to the animate or inanimate objects in her path. Colin watched her too, his fingers itching toward the camera as he took in the scene around him.

Hermione seemed to regain her senses, grateful she had showered before breakfast and had decent attire on. Sirius, however, had forgone a shirt and Remus's remained untucked and unbuttoned. She wondered what they would look like to an outsider, and it seemed Colin's observant nature was against her today as his eyes went wide with understanding.

"Breakfast?" she asked hurriedly, side-stepping as Luna crossed directly in front of her, nearly knocking the tray out of Hermione's hands, and placing the food in the centre of the table.

"Thanks, I'm starved. Luna said it was an emergency, so I flooed straight to her house," the younger man said, sitting at the head of the table with an awkward smile, his eyes continually going between Hermione and her two housemates.

"You help Luna?" Sirius asked, picking out the crispiest pieces of bacon and placing them over his toast, loading his plate with enough food to feed all of them.

"Sometimes. This camera is heat sensitive," Colin said with a blush, his hand once again going to the black box with fondness. "It sometimes picks up things you wouldn't normally see."

"Like Nargles?" Remus asked with a smirk, watching Hermione's jaw clenched.

"Well, in theory..." Colin stuttered, his eyes darting to Luna, who had stepped onto the table in an attempt to get to the other side of the room.

Hermione took a sip of coffee and decided she had had enough.

"Won't you join us, Luna?" she asked.

"I suppose so," Luna replied, reaching the corner before straightening up and walking back over, stepping onto the table again to get to an empty chair. "They aren't in this room anyway."

"We aren't sure what it is, we thought you might provide us with some insight," Remus said, looking at his former student with an amused-fondness.

"Oh, I have no doubt it is Nargles, professor," Luna said with wide-eyed sincerity, placing a piece of French toast between two strips of bacon in a reverse sort of sandwich.

"What makes you say that?" Sirius goaded.

"This is the perfect breeding ground for them. I am surprised you didn't notice their presence sooner."

"Yes, that _was_ a bit careless of us, wasn't it?" Remus said, smiling slightly at Hermione as she rolled her eyes.

"Yes it was," Luna agreed, not catching the sarcasm in Remus's voice. "But you needn't worry. I'm here now."

"Right," Sirius answered, going back to his bacon.

There were a few moments of comfortable silence as everyone dug into their food, but it didn't last long as Luna looked up suddenly, staring straight at Hermione with interest.

"What's it like?" she asked.

"What's what like?" Hermione asked, taking another sip of coffee and staring straight back.

"Sleeping with two men at once," Luna replied, her gaze already wandering off to one corner of the room.

Hermione choked on her coffee just as Sirius coughed up his bacon. She heard Remus groan and drop his head to the table.

"Oh, there is no point in denying it," Luna said breathily, "the _Shingdees_ are all around you, and every body knows they only come out when three souls become intimately linked."

"I-uh..." Hermione stuttered, turning bright red. Poor Colin looked as if he wanted to sink under the table.

_Scratch. Scratch. Scratch._

"Oh thank God," Remus muttered, lifting his head from the table and casting Hermione a relieved look.

"Are those the Nargles?" Colin asked, the color slowly draining from his face as he leapt from the table. In his haste to exit the awkward situation, however, he leapt so enthusiastically that he tripped over the chair and was sent sprawling on the cold kitchen floor.

Luna looked at him with mild interest.

"None of your laying about, Colin," she said, dabbing her mouth with the last corner of her French toast before popping it into her mouth and standing. "We have Nargles to hunt."

"I think you might want to start with Remus's room," Sirius said, his voice calm as he wiped the bits of bacon from the table top. "We heard them from his cupboard."

Luna looked at Remus reproachfully.

"Really, Professor, I would have thought you'd have more sense then to keep your cupboard in a such a state that would attract Nargles."

"I endeavor to do so but I have been lacking in my diligence," Remus replied dryly, the flush on his face still present as Colin refused to maintain eye contact with them.

"No matter. Come, Colin - to the fourth floor!" Luna commanded, and marched out of the kitchen at a pace that reminded Hermione of German goosesteps. Colin followed quickly.

"Now how on earth did she know where Remus's room was?" Sirius asked.

"She dated Ron for six months," Remus reminded his friend. "She's been over several times."

"Precocious little thing, isn't she?" Sirius mused, still looking at the empty doorway.

"She shouldn't even be here, Sirius," Hermione seethed quietly, her face still flushed with embarrassment at Luna's words. "You shouldn't have brought her."

"Oh come now, love, there is random scratching going on in my house and there is a possibility that a mythical creature could be behind it. Who better than Luna to investigate?"

Hermione threw her hands in the air in frustration, choosing not to dignify his comment with a response.

"How do you suppose she _really_ found out about the three of us?" Remus asked quietly, not meeting Hermione's eye.

"Well, it's not like you two are the picture of modesty," Hermione replied, nodding to Sirius's bare chest and Remus's unkempt appearance. Looking down at himself, Remus flushed a brighter red.

They sat in silence for a few moments before Remus took a deep breath.

"Perhaps we should talk about what happened last night...and this morning," he said.

Sirius leaned back in his chair, arching an eyebrow as he folded his hands over his stomach.

"Talk about...what, exactly? I'm much more interested in a replay," he said with a grin.

"Oh, do be serious for two seconds," Hermione snapped, and a look from Remus quashed any pun Sirius had planned in regard to her word choice.

"What do you want from me, love? The three of us shared something very special last night and this morning. I'm not going to say the idea of sharing you appeals to me but the fact that you came alive the way you did while Remus was..."

The door of the kitchen opened suddenly and both Hermione and Remus blushed again as Luna traipsed in, her tin foil hat gone and her hair mussed.

"I investigated the hole in the back of your cupboard, professor," she said to Remus. "It seems the Nargles have evaded me. Mr. Black, may I have your permission to cut a hole into the wall in the third floor study directly below Professor Lupin's room?"

"I...er...no, Luna, I think I would prefer we hunt these...um..._Nargles_...with as little structural damage as possible. It's a...er..._delicate_ house," Sirius replied when a look from Hermione made him change his mind to the eager response he was going to give.

Luna sighed.

"I don't understand why you want to do it the hard way, but I suppose I must acquiesce. This will, of course, take a bit more time," she said.

"Take all the time you need," Sirius said.

Nodding, she walked out of the kitchen.

"I cannot believe you're egging her on!" Hermione hissed, glancing at the door as if worried the brilliant, albeit flighty, witch was still there.

"I can't believe you're not being a bit more open-minded, considering what you did last night," Sirius countered.

She glared at him.

"I don't appreciate you throwing last night in my face, Sirius, and what _we_ did last night hardly constitutes..."

Luna popped her head in.

"Do you have a spanner?" she asked.

Remus frowned.

"Why?"

"I need to turn off the water."

Hermione arched an eyebrow.

"Why?" she repeated.

"Colin's stuck in the bathtub and the water is making him quite wet."

Hermione heaved a sigh to avoid rolling her eyes.

"Have you tried turning the taps?"

Luna looked at them again before disappearing.

"Did...did she really need to be told that?" Sirius asked.

"I'm sure she thought the snake-shaped taps in the bathroom were some form of the tropical slythiotrope from Burma," Hermione said sarcastically, grabbing her barely-touched breakfast plate and walking it over to the sink. She didn't turn back around to face them, but instead looked out of the window at the sunlight that was reflecting off the overgrown grass in the back garden.

"Hermione?" Remus said, and she heard a chair scrape and footsteps approach behind her. She tensed as a hand touched her shoulder.

"Hermione, please. I'm sorry. We don't have to continue with this if it makes you uncomfortable," he said.

"No, it's not that," she replied, turning around and seeing Sirius getting up from his chair to approach her as well. "It's just that the three of us...well...it felt so right but it's not going to be accepted. By anyone."

"Luna seems to think nothing of it," Sirius said, earning him hard glares from both Hermione and Remus.

"I meant from our friends. Harry, Ron, Mrs. Weasley, Ginny..."

"I have a feeling Ginny wouldn't have too much of a problem with it," Sirius said and Hermione had to smile slightly as she realized her redheaded friend was a little more sexually-liberal than the rest of her friends, especially where Hermione was concerned.

"I'm sorry," she said, gripping Sirius hand, letting Remus slip his arms around her waist as they stood by the kitchen window, "I don't do morning-afters very well."

Sirius brushed her hair behind her ear, meeting her eyes as they both remembered her week of guilt and regret after her first one-night stand with him. They both knew she would get over it.

A shrill scream from upstairs interrupted their moment, Remus pulling back from her abruptly as all three drew their wands. The scream was followed by a series of loud crashes, as if the very foundations of the ancient building were at risk.

"Luna!" they heard Colin yell, and raced from the kitchen, thumping loudly up the narrow stairs.

They burst on to the fourth floor landing, wands blazing and stopped short at the scene before them. Luna sat amongst the rubble and plaster, her body partially concealed in the large gaping hole in the wall, directly opposite Remus's bedroom. Colin clutched his camera to his chest, his face a pasty-white as he braced his body against the opposite wall.

"Look!" Luna grinned, her clothes covered in a fine white dust. Hermione scanned her for blood or any other serious injuries but the odd girl seemed to be fine. She held up an equally dusty item for them to inspect.

"Uh..." Remus said, taking in the destruction with a look of horror, taking a step forward to take the item from her hand.

"What the hell..." Sirius growled, taking his eyes away from his destroyed home to the look at what Remus was holding. He snatched it away almost protectively and turned to glare at Luna, "Where did you get this?" he hissed.

"In the wall," Luna replied, blinking her huge eyes up at them.

Sirius brushed off the dust as gently as he could, looking like he was going to hex someone.

"What is it?" Hermione asked, taking a tentative step toward her lover, casting Luna wary glances.

"Nargles," Luna answered.

"Mistletoe," Remus replied.

"Mine," Sirius growled, all at the same time.

Hermione took a deep breath and closed her eyes, when she opened them she looked to the one person who had remained quiet: Colin. The younger man just shrugged and she was forced to turn back to the others for answers.

"Sirius, why do you have a piece of Mistletoe stashed in the wall?" she asked, cringing a little.

Surprisingly it was Remus who answered, a slow grin forming on his lips.

"I didn't know you still had this, Pads," he said to his friend, clapping him on the shoulder before gallantly moving forward to help Luna to his feet.

"Neither did I, it went missing years ago," Sirius replied, still dusting plaster from the delicate green leaves.

Hermione gave a frustrated sigh and snatched the Mistletoe from his hands, holding it behind her back and dancing away when he tried to make a grab for it.

"Give it back," he growled, his eyes narrowing with warning.

She grinned.

"Not until you answer my question," she said in a sing-song voice, "Why do you have this? Why is it so important to you?"

"Because it is mine, that is why, witch," he snarled, reaching for her again as she hopped over a piece of broken wall.

"Not good enough," she said, almost tripping and falling into Remus and Luna.

Remus went to steady her, and managed to snatch the Mistletoe from her hands before she knew what was happening. The werewolf handed back the leaves to his friend and grinned at her when she pouted.

"It is another one of his trophies, love," Remus said, chuckling when Sirius glared at him, obviously wanting to keep this one more of a secret.

"It's not a trophy, it's a good luck charm," Sirius corrected, in spite of himself.

"Riiight," Hermione drawled, rolling her eyes as she remembered the house scarves, underwear and other various pieces of women's clothing he had collected over the years as memento's of his various escapades.

"So who was this one? Linda the Luscious at a Yule Ball? Melissa the Magnificent during your seventh year? Or maybe it was some random cousin of James's during one of the Potters' famous Christmas parties," she teased, catching Colin turn bright red out of the corner of her eye.

"I told James about the Christmas party..." Sirius started to defend but was interrupted by both Hermione and Remus breaking into gales of laughter.

"Oh, you can be so predictable, sweetheart," she chuckled, coming forward to kiss him on the cheek.

Luna cleared her throat none-too-delicately.

"Pardon me for interrupting your sexual banter, but _that_ is why your Nargles are here," she smiled, indicating Sirius's prized possession.

"I don't think so," Sirius said, clutching it even tighter at the thought she might want to destroy it, "This has been floating around here for years, the Nargles have only just shown up."

"Hm... you're right," Remus agreed, taking on a thoughtful expression.

Hermione was sorely tempted to point out once again that Nargles did not exist, but was stopped when the scratching was heard from the floor above. Her room.

She saw Luna look up too, a glint entering her eye.

"Oh no you don't! You are not knocking out the walls in my room," Hermione warned, and Luna pouted. "Find some other way."

_Scratch. Scratch. Scratch._

"And quickly," Remus added, feeling a headache coming on at the constant noise.

Crookshanks suddenly streaked down the stairs from Hermione's room, looking like a blur of orange as he leapt into the new gaping hole, chasing something.

"Kneazles can be incredibly perceptive." Luna said, looking into the hole after the cat. "Crookshanks must be after the Nargles too."

"He's only part-kneazle," Hermione replied absently, already trying to think up a solution that didn't involve major renovations.

"The other part is just plain annoying," Sirius said, earning him a sharp slap on the arm.

Luna sighed, clearly frustrated at the lack of leeway she was going to be allowed in her investigation.

"Well, if I'm not allowed to take down the walls in search of Nargles, there's really only one thing I can do," she said, picking up the crushed tin foil hat and tucking it down her dress. "I must get you a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?" Hermione repeated.

"Yes."

"In August."

"Yes."

"Whatever for?"

Luna gave Hermione a withering look, to which Hermione bristled slightly. She didn't like being made to feel stupid, and if she didn't know the habits of creatures that didn't exist it certainly was not her fault for failing to put in the effort to research it.

"Nargles are attracted to mistletoe. Mistletoe grows on pine trees. Pine trees are used as Christmas trees. Are you with me so far?"

Hermione flushed and Remus grasped her hand in order to avoid her hexing the blonde in front of her.

"Wouldn't it just be easier to hang a bunch of mistletoe?" Sirius asked, wrapping his fingers protectively around his own piece as Luna eyed it once more. "We don't need a ruddy great big tree in the house at the moment."

"Nargles need space to branch out. They're only _attracted_ to the mistletoe. An infestation like the one you have couldn't possibly be contented with just a few pieces of mistletoe strung up willy-nilly. A Christmas tree will do nicely. There are plenty of branches and you should be able to dispose of it - properly, mind - in the next three to six months."

"Three to six _months_?!" Hermione cried, and Remus gripped her hand tighter, drawing her closer to him as her arm twitched.

"Yes, that is the standard amount of time if we're to do things the hard way," Luna replied, unfazed, before turning to Colin. "Well, I'll leave you here while I go and procure a Christmas tree. I'm sure I saw several when I was traveling up by Loch Ness with Rolf."

And before either Hermione or Colin could protest, Luna had jumped on the banister and slid down to the third floor, jumping gracelessly from the wood before rounding the corner and repeating the action down the next two floors.

The quartet looked at each other as the door closed.

"Er...so," Sirius said, smiling charmingly at Hermione as she rounded on him for lack of better option. "Christmas tree in August. How very...quaint."

"Sirius, I swear to God I will hex you into oblivion the next time you don't listen to me," the witch seethed, wriggling from Remus's grasp and slowly approaching the wizard.

"What harm has it done?" he asked. Her nostrils flared and he took a step back. "Okay, aside from the wall collapsing and the Christmas tree we're going to have taking up space, what harm has it done?"

"What _good_ has it done, Sirius?" she countered.

"She found Sirius's mistletoe," Remus piped up, smirking slightly as Sirius shot the werewolf a glare.

Hermione looked at the fairer-headed man.

"That's right," she said, her disposition changing entirely at the memory of Sirius's trophy and what it might mean. "Let me take a look at that mistletoe again, Sirius. It might have Nargles in it."

Sirius knew the sweetness that now dripped from her voice was laced with a particularly nasty feminine poison, so he skipped over the heap of rubble and shielded himself behind Remus. The werewolf, uncomfortable with suddenly being on the receiving end of a heart-melting-yet-dangerously-deceiving smile from the brilliant witch, crossed his arms and glanced back at his best friend.

"You tell her why you're lugging that plant around or I will," he said sternly.

Sirius gaped at him.

"Traitor!" he bellowed.

"No, survivalist," Remus countered.

"Coward's, more like."

"Better than being a chicken."

"That's the same thing!"

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is."

"No it..."

"Idiot boys!" Hermione shouted and the two stopped mid-sentence and looked at her. "Tell me about the mistletoe."

Sirius sniffed.

"It has sentimental value," he said.

She arched her eyebrow.

"A plant has sentimental value?"

"It's not just any plant!" Sirius huffed. "It's the mistletoe that was hanging in the Gryffindor common room in December of 1974, during my fourth year at Hogwarts."

"Ah-ha," Hermione said, glancing at Remus for confirmation that this was, indeed, a piece of Mother Nature that was over twenty years old. "And why, Sirius, did you find it necessary to keep _that_ particular mistletoe from _that_ year?"

Sirius said nothing as his jaw tensed. Arching an eyebrow to Remus, the werewolf glanced at his friend before rolling his eyes.

"That mistletoe happened to be hanging above the sofa in the Gryffindor common room the night Sirius lost his virginity."

There was a moment of silence before Hermione burst into a fit of laughter.

Sirius looked extremely put out.

"What?" he asked.

She gripped Remus's arm for support as her body heaved with hysterical laughter.

"You...kept...a plant...to commemorate the loss...of your _virginity_?!" she asked before doubling over with laughter again.

Remus grinned.

"We all _told_ you it was a stupid idea, Pads," he said to the angry pureblood. "Now you have confirmation from the brilliant and very accurate Hermione Granger."

"Bloody know-it-all," Sirius said, looking forlornly at the mistletoe as if it had betrayed him somehow. Hermione, her giggles subsiding slightly, smiled at his pouting face and walked over to him, taking his head in her hands gently.

"I didn't think you were quite that sentimental, Sirius," she said, rubbing his cheek affectionately. "When you get past the idea of it being a plant, it's really quite sweet."

His pout continued and she chuckled, leaning in and kissing him lightly. He groaned at the contact and wrapped his arms around her body, the mistletoe dropped and forgotten as he drew her tighter to his body.

"Does this mean I'm forgiven for Luna as well?" he asked her softly as he started to kiss her neck.

"Hmm...depends on the size of the Christmas tree," Hermione replied, glancing over at Remus with glinting eyes.

The werewolf chuckled and started over to them, running his hands down her back and leaning in to kiss her when a loud squeak stopped them and they turned to see Colin, his back pressed against the wall, his camera pressed protectively to his frame as he squeezed his eyes closed.

"You ah... wanna give us some privacy mate?" Sirius asked casually, hitching Hermione's leg around his hip just as her hand came up to slap his naked chest.

"Sirius, behave!" she admonished before falling in to a fit of giggles as he tickled the back of her leg playfully.

Remus had taken a step back from them the moment he had remembered they were in civilised company, slightly embarrassed to be caught in that state by a former student.

"Coffee?" he offered the younger man, pretending Sirius and Hermione no longer existed.

Colin nodded his head in eager silence and practically ran down the staircase.

"Get a room," Remus muttered out of the corner of his mouth as he walked past them to serve their guest.

"Will yours do?" Sirius called behind him, laughing when Hermione slapped his shoulder this time.

"Honestly Sirius, now is not the time," she smiled, pulling away with intentions of following Remus back downstairs.

Sirius kept a grip on her wrist to stop her, suddenly going serious - well as serious as the Marauder could get.

"Everything okay between us?" he asked, a slight crease forming between his eyebrows.

Hermione's smile softened as she closed the distance between them, kissing his lips softly.

"Everything is great between us. I never knew things could be like this," she sighed, her eyes shining.

"Things can only get better," he replied, kissing her again before tugging her toward the staircase.

"Poor Colin," Hermione grinned as they descended the floors toward the kitchen, "I'm so embarrassed."

"Not as embarrassed as he was, I suspect," Sirius grinned back at her, tugging her quietly past his mother's portrait and back into the warmth of the ancient kitchen where Remus was pouring the still-pale Colin a cup of black coffee, three more mugs already laid out on the table.

"Thank you," Hermione said, kissing Remus's cheek as she squeezed past him into her chair. Colin stared resolutely at the table top until he was saved by the floo turning green once again.

"Oh my..." Remus said when they saw the massive trunk being shoved through the tiny opening, followed by a shower of a thousand malting needles, as Luna shoved from the other end.

Hermione's blissful euphoria of the past few minutes was short-lived when it was revealed just how _big_ the tree was. Turning her glare back to Sirius, she felt slightly vindicated when she noticed that Sirius had turned almost as pale as Colin.

That didn't stop her anger from manifesting itself once she realized how much of a mess the needles were making in her kitchen.

"I am going to string you from the strongest, tallest branch and leave you there for three to six months," she hissed in his ear as she moved from the table to help tug the tree through the too-tight opening.

It took the five of them a good ten minutes before the tree was dumped to one side of the kitchen, green needles littering the floor and making a funny smell come from the now inactive fire place.

"Sweet Merlin's poorly-executed comb-over," Luna gasped, collapsing in the nearest chair and snatching the now-cold coffee from Colin's hands, drinking it down in three gulps before wiping her mouth on her sleeve.

"Should we be giving her caffeine?" Sirius murmured in Remus's ear, and they both broke into cheeky grins when Hermione shot them a glare.

"So that's it then?" she asked, turning back to Luna. "We just set up the tree and wait for the Nargles to invade it?" She was looking at the monstrous piece of nature with ill-disguised trepidation, knowing that it would surely need to be reduced in size before it could stand.

"Yes, and decorate it, of course," Luna said, her mane of blonde hair pulled over one shoulder as she picked out the needles one by one, making a neat pile on the table.

"We need to decorate it as well?" Sirius asked incredulously, hoping they could have gotten away with just the tree in a random corner.

"Oh yes, Nargles are a bit like Nifflers in the sense that they like shiny things. Tinsel, fairy lights and sparkly bells are particularly good at drawing them in," she explained, nodding her head and looking to Colin who still hadn't said a word. "Well, we must be going then. We will send you the photo's to remember the Nargles by if Colin managed to get one on film. It will be a great addition to my scrap book," she added, jumping up from her chair with far too much energy.

"Say 'hi' to Rolf for me," Hermione called, smiling as Luna dragged Colin behind her like a ragdoll.

"I will. We'll just leave you to your fucking now... oh and Hermione, I always find soaking in a mixture of goats milk, garlic, and stinging nettles make a good contraceptive charm!" Luna said cheerfully.

"See you around Colin," Sirius joked as Hermione flushed from Luna's comment. Remus just waved silently as the pair disappeared in another rush of green flames.

"That was cruel, Sirius," Remus laughed, looking at his friend.

"No, what is cruel is this great bloody tree we have to set up in the middle of bloody August," Sirius replied, standing and looking down at the Christmas tree with disdain.

"You asked for it," Hermione reminded him. Then she sighed. "Goat's milk and garlic…of _course_ it's a good contraceptive…no one would want to go near you…" she mumbled, miniaturising the tree like Luna should have before levitating it into the room that contained the tapestry of the Black family tree. It was the room people visited least and would therefore create fewer questions about presence of a Christmas tree in August.

"I kind of like it, it's very festive," Remus commented when Hermione adjusted its size to the room and watching as she shot a stream of baubles from the tip of her wand, charming them to twine around the branches artfully.

"All we need now is some eggnog and carols and we'll be all set," Sirius replied sarcastically, shooting tinsel at the tree so it landed in one tangled mess at the front. This caused Hermione to give him her best Molly Weasley impression before she used some crafty wand skills to fix it.

They stepped back and admired her handiwork.

"Well," Remus said, wrapping his arm affectionately around her waist. "I suppose all we can do now is wait to see if anything shows up."

Sirius grinned and got to his hands and knees before crawling under the Christmas tree. Remus and Hermione exchanged a look as the raven-headed man's upper body disappeared beneath the decorated tree, his long legs sticking out as he lay on his back, looking up into the branches.

"Er...Sirius," Hermione said, walking over and tapping his boot slightly with her foot.

"Yes, love?" came the muffled reply.

"What, exactly, are you doing?"

"Waiting for the Nargles, love."

Hermione rolled her eyes as Remus covered his mouth to stifle his laughter.

"Sirius Orion Black, for the absolute _last_ time, there are no such things as..."

"Oh! Look!"

Both Hermione and Remus dived under the Christmas tree, neither noticing a flash of pink and purple fur that jumped from the tree at their rapid approach, and arrived underneath to see a laughing Sirius. He was holding his sides as the two skeptical beings slowly realized they'd been had.

"You're an arse," Remus said with a slight smile, settling on his back and looking up as Hermione glared down at Sirius from between her two lovers.

"That wasn't funny," she said, repeating Remus's movements by laying between the men, looking up.

"It was a little bit funny," Sirius said, his Cheshire cat grin still in place. "You two couldn't get under here fast enough."

"Fine. You've had your laugh. Can we please do something _productive_ now?" she asked.

Sirius chuckled.

"I could think of a few things we could do that would be productive," he said, leaning up on his elbow and running his hand over Hermione's stomach.

She slapped it away.

"Do you think of _nothing_ but sex, Sirius? Honestly. You're like a teenager."

"Now love, I know for a fact that most men think about sex at least once every 30 seconds. And in my case, since I happen to be enamoured by a particularly sexy young woman, it happens a bit more often."

"Remus, do you think about sex at least once every 30 seconds," she asked, turning to the other man in the hopes of getting some kind of proof that Sirius was not, in fact, the norm for all men. The werewolf, however, was looking at her with a gleam in his amber eyes.

"When you're around?" he said softly. "Absolutely."

She melted slightly and leaned down, kissing him softly on those addictive lips.

"Excuse me," Sirius said, indignation apparent in his tone. "When I say it, I'm a lech, but when _he_ says it, he gets a kiss? What the hell?!"

Remus grinned at his friend when she pulled away.

"She likes me more," he joked.

Sirius growled, catching Hermione around the waist and falling on top of her, the close confines causing a few needles to fall around them as his back hit the bottom-most branches.

"You better not like him more," he said before catching her lips in a hot, searing kiss that had her clinging to him within seconds.

"Honestly," she breathed when he pulled away. "I don't think I could choose at the moment."

Sirius's lips descended once more as Remus bit gently on her ear, kissing her neck and Sirius - somewhat placated by her statement - shifted to the side to give the werewolf room to enjoy her body again. Hermione didn't know where in her life she had done something good enough to deserve the constant attention she was getting from these two ridiculously-gorgeous men, but whatever it had been, she would repeat it over and over again if it meant the arrangement could last forever.

Remus's hands ran up her sweater, gently pushing the soft fabric over her breasts and letting his fingers settle upon the soft mounds of flesh. With dexterity and some difficulty, she and Sirius managed to get her out of the garment, leaving her in her bra and jeans as Remus nibbled from her neck down to her lace-covered nipples.

Hermione shifted, groaning against Sirius's lips as Remus took a nipple in his mouth, the wetness and heat against the lacy fabric causing delicious sensations within her body. Sirius continued to kiss her passionately as his hand ran down her stomach, flipping open the buttons of her jeans with practiced agility before slipping his fingers under the waistband of her panties and finding her clit.

Her back arched and Sirius pulled away, exchanging a long look with Remus before the werewolf briefly neglected her breast to slip her jeans off, pushing them out into the room so she was laying breathless and panting in her bra and underwear.

"God, you're beautiful," Sirius said to her before swooping down and catching her lips again.

Remus went back to her breasts, licking and sucking at the pebbled hardness, as his hand ran down her stomach to join Sirius's. While Sirius's fingers played with her sensitive nub, Remus slid two digits into her accommodating body, causing her to once again arch her back and moan an incoherent mixture of their names.

Pumping his fingers in and out of her and kissing her breasts with his lips, Remus used his other hand to release himself from his slowly-tightening pants, noticing that Sirius had done the same. His hardening cock gave a twitch as he felt Hermione tense, a long, loud moan escaping her lips as he walls clenched at his fingers greedily, cumming hard from both their actions.

Removing his fingers, he watched as Sirius rid her of the rest of her clothes. Locking eyes with her, Remus brought his fingers to his mouth, licking her juices off as she stared in rapt attention. In an instant, however, her hands were on his shirt and she was pulling him down for a long, passionate kiss, her fingers deftly unbuttoning the cloth in order to get to the delicious muscles underneath.

They both moaned as her passion rode through them in waves. Remus gripped her hips and before she had time to catch her next breath he was rolling them to the side, out onto the carpeted floor in front of the tree. Sirius followed, scooting out from under the tree and unbuckling his jeans along the way.

Hermione pulled away from Remus's lips in time to feel Sirius's crashing down on hers in a heated frenzy. She felt a bit like a cat in heat, needing desperately to feel them on her, around her, in her. She rubbed against the werewolf's near-naked body as the animagus to her side claimed her mouth and ran lines of fire across her skin, burning every place he touched.

Pulling away from Sirius, she turned back to Remus and pushed him flat on his back, his arms outstretched to take her into his arms. She grinned and pulled away, snaking her tongue down his neck, over the muscular planes of his chest, swiping one flat nipple with her tongue before teasing his navel. The man groaned and bucked his hips into the air, the witch using her arms to raise her body away. Sirius watched her playful display with a grin, his hand moving between the remaining folds of his jeans to fondle his aching member.

Hermione licked her way down one prominent hip bone, lowering herself to her elbows as she flipped her heavy hair to one side. Remus propped himself up to watch her pink lips lower and engulf his leaking tip.

"Sweet Merlin..." he cursed as she pulled back before plunging down again, taking a large portion of his length down her throat. He let out a howl when her pink tongue poked out to swipe at his weeping head and her small hand reached out to cup his balls.

Sirius chuckled at the pair, knowing just how talented a mouth the younger woman had. The first time she had ever pleasured him that way he had torn the bed sheets beneath him. He was sure Remus would have done the same thing now, had they been in a bed and not on the living room floor being watched by the hundreds of eyes of his long-gone relatives.

He moved behind her, aware she was watching him from the corner of her eye. Remus's back arched into the ugly worn carpet, his eyes closed, his mouth slack with pleasure. Hermione hummed against him, causing another series of garbled curses to spill from his mouth.

Sirius kissed a line down her back, both palms running from shoulders to buttocks, his fingers dipping teasingly into her wet folds as she started to pant with renewed need. He slipped out of his jeans and tossed them beneath the tree, rising to his knees behind her and positioning himself against the pulsing flesh.

She gave a long low keen, Remus falling from her mouth for a moment as she concentrated on the sensation of Sirius's cock sliding home. Her earlier orgasm had left her feeling extra sensitive and Remus's reactions to her ministrations had her all hot and bothered again. Sirius groaned and wrapped his arms around her torso, curling his body into hers as he gripped both breasts for leverage.

Remus's impressive erection gave a pulse against her cheek, bringing her attention back to him. She stared up at her ex-professor, her eyes hooded, her mouth gone slack, much like his expression had been earlier. Sirius gave a deep thrust, hard enough to push her whole frame forward just as she wrapped her lips around Remus and the trio groaned simultaneously.

Remus reached up with one hand to grip her curls, guiding her lips when she became too mindless to move. Sirius continued to kiss every piece of flesh he could reach, his lips becoming a blur as he pumped into her hard and fast. Hermione answered his thrusts by matching the movements with her mouth and it wasn't long before Remus's grip became painful and his climax washed over him, his release hot and salty as it filled her mouth.

It was too much for Hermione, who had been teased, fondled and made love to so many times in the past twenty-four hours that she had lost count. Her body could only take so much. So, as Sirius angled his hips to press just a little higher, she saw spots, cursing and crying out as her body clamped down on him in an unforgiving grip, her much smaller frame shuddering and pulsing between the two men who seemed to know exactly what to do and how to do it well.

Her arms almost gave way with the force of her orgasm, she dropped her head to Remus's stomach, his flaccid member resting between her breasts as Sirius picked up his pace behind her, seeking to follow them into the soul-shattering pleasure they had already found.

"Oh god," he groaned against her spine, his lips grazing her shoulder as she reached back to grip his silky hair.

"Cum for me," she whispered, her voice husky from her earlier screams. She knew he heard when his whole body tensed behind her and he threw his head back to howl.

When he was done he collapsed to his side, his arms taking her with him, his cock still embedded between her folds. Remus stroked her hair where it lay strewn across his stomach and loins and smiled fondly down at her when she kissed his ribs sleepily.

"We should move," he murmured, staring up at the cracked ceiling.

"Five more minutes," Sirius moaned, his voiced muffled into Hermione's shoulder.

_Scratch. Scratch. Scratch._

All three of them groaned, Hermione pulling away from Sirius to sit up and look at the tree.

_Scratch. Scratch. Scratch._

"Oh, for the love of…" Sirius growled, sitting up too and groping blindly for his jeans.

"…Nargles?" Remus joked.

Hermione spun to glare at him, not even bothering to find her clothes as she got shakily to her feet. She held out her hand, though, when he remained grinning up at her, and he let her help him to his feet.

Sirius was still grumbling about Nargles as he glared at the tree, his jeans – which he was sure he had thrown under the branches – now missing. It was a shame really, Hermione thought, as she had truly enjoyed his arse in those jeans.

"Come on love, let the tree do its work," she sighed when he looked like he was going to hex the already-malting pine.

"I thought you didn't believe in Nargles," he said suspiciously, wrapping his arm around her waist as they left the room.

"I don't, but I _do_ believe in a hot shower. Care to join me? Both of you?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow at the two nearly-naked men and grinning.

"Screw the Nargles," Sirius growled, lifting her in his arms and carrying her upstairs, Hermione squealing the entire way. Remus chuckled and followed behind.


End file.
